I’m going through some drams. And last night, as I was lying in bed, I just kinda got sick of myself. I’ve been in a depressed mood since I went to Austin. I realized I had been waiting for my workouts to start working and my body to feel better and my life to calm down before I was happy. But last night I just decided to be happy regardless. I’m not waiting for anyone or anything. I’m taking responsibility for my mood and thought patterns. So today’s been good. I’m tired AF, but I’m also consciously grateful.
One thing I’m grateful for is my friend group. And one thing I want everyone who loves me to understand is that not everyone has to like me. I posted some insensitive shit to Facebook while feeling down, and it offended some people. This is a thing I do sometimes. Now, some people are going to see this in a broader context and be fairly chill about it because they know me and they like who I am overall and they’re forgiving people. Other people are going to look at this as evidence that I am the shitty person they think I am. Neither group is wrong. I am shitty. I am also full of qualities I find redeeming. But no one is required to agree with me. If I worried about everyone who didn’t like me, I’d have no time to do anything else.
I’m a strong, niche flavor. I’m okay with that. Sure, I’d like to be less of an asshole. I’d like to be kinder, and more patient. I’d like to always come to my commentary from a place of love. But I don’t. Sometimes I come at it from a place of seething rage. Or annoyance. Or depression. Or (mostly) anxiety. No one is obligated to see all of who I am. And no one is required to like what they see. And no one is required to try to change anyone’s mind about me.
One of the greatest gifts my close friends have given me is finally understanding that it’s not at all important that a lot of people like me a little. It’s everything that a few people love me a lot.
How about some links?
“Irony is in a state of disrepute. It’s been used and abused by hipsters who wear ‘ironic’ clothing and facial hair based on the self-conscious selection of a style because it’s ugly or anachronistic or inappropriate for a grown man in his thirties. It’s an empty, hollow irony, as opposed to critical, elevating, or subversive.
“That’s a shame, because an appreciation for irony is perhaps the highest virtue.”
Say what you will about Sam Hammond, but he has a nice penis and he’s fun to read.
The Fall of Salon.com is a little in-the-weeds for me. But overall it’s an interesting story for those interested in the past and future of online publishing.
Finally, the mathematical reason I’m unpopular.
Reading about @JillianKeenan, I kept thinking “What if your butt wasn’t good-looking? It’d be so inconvenient.” This is a long one (longreads). But her statements on child abuse were on point. What I like about Jillian is that she is both strident and open-minded. She’s not too timid to take a stance and defend it. But she’s not so brittle that she can’t re-evaluate her ideas in light of new evidence.
If you’re into right vs alt-right insider baseball, this is a good story.
Bae who doesn’t know she’s my bae ?@AlanaMassey wrote about how disparaging “cliques” is a symptom of distrusting female intimacy + why women don’t owe us friendship. I love it because it hints at something I’ve noticed I do with women, which is to imagine rejection everywhere.
And also in “all the feels,” “The bravest thing that any human has ever said is this: ‘I am fragile. I am afraid. I feel sad. I feel broken. I feel ashamed of how broken I am.’ Strangely enough, this is how you grow into a towering, formidable force in the world. This is where you begin.” @hhavrilesky isn’t really bae. She’s like mentor.
I’ll leave you all with this to take you into the long weekend. Targeted advertising: