COVIDiaries part 14: What I celebrated yesterday

How do you celebrate the Fourth of July in a pandemic? Moreover, how do you celebrate your country when it’s keeping kids in dirty tents and raping them, its police are terrorizing protestors for asking police to stop terrorizing Black people, etc. etc. etc.?

If you’re me, you do drugs in your friend’s living room. I was so tired on Saturday. Just bone tired. My friend had invited me over a while ago and I was excited to go but I just didn’t know how I’d be any fun.

To perk up, we did a little coke. Then we pulled out Tripsit to see what we could safely mix with coke and settled on stopping the coke, doing some Molly, and trying to mix in some Ketamine later on. I wasn’t in a place emotionally to do psychedelics.

His living room has a huge window with a view of the city so we moved the squish from the corner to the window. All I could think as the Molly set in and the sun set and the light reflected gold off the buildings and everything became even more beautiful is how lucky I am to be in San Francisco. How lucky I am to be able to do drugs in my friend’s living room with the huge window. How lucky I am to know my friend, who is so loving and kind and easy to be with and conscientious.

When the sun set we watched illegal fireworks and I thought about how SF is an interesting mix of government overreach and lawlessness. How you need 600 permits to start selling food at your retail store but you can buy and sell heroin on the sidewalk. So far we’ve been wealthy enough to tolerate the former and the latter makes life infinitely better for degenerates like myself. It is weird how bad so much of our coke is though.

The Molly made us hot so we got naked, and then he had a stroke of genius and got some lavender-scented oil. Friends, when I tell you that oil got everywhere and is still in the ends of my hair… At one point he was on top of me, both of us totally slicked in oil, he said he was swimming on my body, which was actually just sliding around. Like, it was kind of sexual, but it mostly just felt good. At one point I was laughing my ass off, wishing we’d recorded it because of how funny we must have looked. Then we added Ketamine to the mix and that made the whole experience much more psychedelic. Colored lights moved around the room, entrancing us.

I want to be proud of my country. I wish I could straightforwardly feel that again. I hope I can at some point. But I am proud of my city. I used to say San Francisco is the worst-run city in America. And it’s not good on a large number of really important things. But we have a progressive DA. And we are handling the pandemic much better than the vast majority of the country.

I keep meaning to write about why I stayed in America after the rape cages, domestic terrorism, President who tweets videos of people saying “white power,” and designs his logo to look like a Nazi symbol. I fear future generations will wonder, and I want to give them an answer.

But I think the answer is that laying on that squish in my friend’s living room, there was nowhere I’d rather be. And that’s how I feel most of the time. Maybe I’m ignorant of what’s out there. Maybe I’m in denial about what’s coming. But San Francisco is the most interesting city in the world right now as far as I can tell. And I think I’d rather be here trying to make America better than running away.

In my mind, America stands for free minds and free markets. We have fallen tremendously short of those ideals. We may cease to represent that in any meaningful way. But today, right now, it’s the country with the best shot at showing the world what free enterprise and civil liberties can accomplish. So that’s what I celebrated yesterday.

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