My review of OMGYES, the website trying to close the orgasm gap

So I bought OMGYES and here’s my review of it.

What is OMGYES?

Here’s the intro video:

OMGYES.com intro from FGS on Vimeo.

Basically, OMGYES is aimed at closing the orgasm gap.

According to the National Survey of Sexual Health and Behavior (NSSHB), the last time they had sexytimes, 91% of men surveyed had an orgasm but only 64% of women did.

The idea is stupid-simple. Ask a bunch of women what feels good to them, find the patterns, then teach other women how to do those moves.

Co-founders Lydia Daniller and Rob Perkins had a research team interview 1,000 women about how they like to be touched and then commissioned Kinsey Institute researcher Dr. Debby Herbenick and Dr. Brian Dodge at Indiana University to conduct a nationally representative survey of another 1,000 women. This qualitative and quantitative research forms the basis of their recommended techniques.

It’s like you’re handed a map when you are born and told there’s treasure somewhere but you have to find it. OMGYES has colored in the paths that most other women have successfully used to find the treasure. Learning where the paths that tend to work are located just seems like such an obvious win.

Why did I buy OMGYES?

It appealed to me for three reasons: The research, the tech, the results. First, I’m generally interested in academic quantitative research on human sexuality. And I also feel that female sexual pleasure is a woefully understudied topic. So I’m happy to support this research endeavor. Second, the teaching method involves interactive videos with haptic feedback. I’m curious to try that out. Third, I’m not very good at masturbating. Or directing my lovers on how to touch me, other than to constantly say “lighter.” I find most of my own touches (and others’ touches too, tbh) kind of terrible!

Not knowing is frustrating and trying new things is frustrating so I have my method that involves pressing myself onto the bed and I rarely deviate from that. I love sex. And I think it’s normal for the thing that gets you off to be mostly mental. But I wish it weren’t so difficult for me and my partners to get me off with our hands and their mouths. I suspect that if I knew what was mostly likely to feel good and wasted less time on stimulation that doesn’t, playing around with my vagina would be more fun and less frustrating.

Thoughts on OMGYES

It’s got a very easy and intuitive checkout process.

The interface is modern and attractive. Although I would have preferred it be more clear where I am supposed to start.

screen-shot-2016-10-23-at-4-04-40-pm

Once you click on a video, there are helpful hints about how to use the page and what is what.

screen-shot-2016-10-23-at-4-07-22-pm

I’m not exactly completely unread about sexuality, so I didn’t expect to learn a ton. For example, I’d heard of the “edging” technique to create stronger orgasms. But I found I learned things that not only did I not know about women’s orgasms, but things I found totally unintuitive, such as the specific fact that edging led to longer, more intense orgasms for 65.5% of women studied. More generally, I had no ideally that there are three main edging techniques, and for most women just one of them does the trick.

The edging instructional video had the woman in the screenshot totally naked, touching her inner labia, and explaining what she’s doing. Which was jarring at first, to be honest. I’ve never seen a woman masturbating outside of porn (well, IRL a few times).

zoey

One thing that’s cool about the videos is the little things that you realize are normal. Like, I find that touching myself the way that I loved one time will do nothing for me the next, which is hella frustrating but also made me feel weird. But hearing Amber talk about sometimes having to find the sensitive spot on her vulva because it moves made me feel normal and like, “We’re in this together!”

The road test

So I took some of what I learned in the “teasing” module and tried it out IRL. That consisted of getting high and watching the Mindy Project, and then pausing when Dr. Jody Kimball-Kinney appeared on screen in a thin white tee. (Don’t judge me.) After teasing myself to orgasm, my lovely partner offered to help me try out some techniques.

It was awesome. It’s not so much that trying the technique is breaking new ground. It isn’t. It’s that I felt confident in directing him to use the technique. I was confident that it would work (2,000 women!) and confident that it was a normal thing to ask for. And, perhaps most importantly, confident to insist that it go on long enough to really work. According to OMGYES, teasing usually doesn’t work until you’ve done it a bunch of times. Truth be told, I wish there had been more teasing before the awesome sex we ended up having. And I felt confident enough to tell my partner that later that night.

This is kind of a breakthrough for me. I often get bored and anxious during the part of foreplay that’s focused on my pleasure, and end up cutting it early and switching to giving a blow job or something else I know my partner likes in order to keep things moving and keep my mind engaged. This is a mistake. It teaches my partners that I don’t want much head/touching/etc. when the truth is that I do want it. In fact I really need it. Just not like that. And it robs us of the opportunity to work together to find out what gets me out of my head and turned on.

Who it’s for

If you also find yourself bored and anxious during foreplay, this is a good investment. It’s really nice to hear other women say, in essence, “Immediate, rough, dry fingerbanging isn’t foreplay.” And, “Going straight for the most sensitive area of my body and pressing hard on it after 2 minutes of kissing not only does not arouse me but actually feels horrible.” And, “Do not think that you are good at sex if you can’t move your tongue and/or mouth in the exact same way for five minutes straight.”

I had a pretty good grip on what didn’t feel good before OMGYES. But I didn’t know what to insist on trying, and what to insist on continuing. Most partners, if they tease me, do it for about 30 seconds before trying to put some part of their body inside mine. That’s not enough, not only for me, but for most women, according to the research. Maybe it shouldn’t, but it really helps me demand more to have other women backing me up, saying that the fact that it’s not working is because you need to do it longer. Which is somewhat counterintuitive.

I’d say, based on my experience, that every single man who has sex with women should buy OMGYES. Like, now. Y’all are not teasing enough, not consistent enough, not any of these things enough. None of you are.

I’d be curious about other women’s thoughts on why they would, or wouldn’t, be open to trying OMGYES. Let me know in the comments.

157 Comments

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  1. Heather

    For the non-orgasmers – I made it to 35 without having one and then once I’d gotten over the initial hurdle it was a fairly slow process getting more confident to a) even allow myself to want more of them and b) be patient with myself to figure out how to do it and not give up and then c) relax enough to have one with a partner (I thankfully, finally! have a really great partner who loves sex and especially giving me pleasure). Now I have gotten really good at it and am making up for lost time. I have all kinds of truly wild, multiple orgasms that I really never dreamed could happen. So, hang in there. Try to enjoy the journey of getting there, maybe by yourself first. Wish I could hug you all. I love this comments thread. x

    • K

      Heather, thank you, I love this comment! I’m 35 and still never had an orgasm, and have spent years feeling broken and worthless. I’d given up trying for a long time but after reading all these comments I’m feeling hopeful again…. It’s just amazing to hear that other people have had a similar experience (and why don’t we hear about this more often? I always thought I was the only one.) Keep enjoying yourself 🙂

  2. Sofia

    So here’s the thing. I love how openly masturbation is being discussed here and I’ve never been one to by shy about that with partners. However, I’ve never had a very good relationship with my Vulva in that, I don’t find it attractive. I have large inner labia that hang and I just can’t masturbate in front of my partner because I genuinely don’t think my vulva is nice to look at. i’ve had this hang up about my labia for a long time. The only thing that hasn’t made me have the appearance altered (as in, getting work done to improve appearance) is that none of my boyfriends complained ever and have shown that they fully enjoy giving me head and are fully turned on by it. I think this is the ONLY thing holding me back from fully letting go sexually. Wonder if any other women also have this hang up and how they over came it. 🙂

    • Wain H.

      As a man who loves large labia lips, I assure you your selfconsciousness over your lip size is only you. Your beautiful just as you are. The sooner you see yourself as normal and beautiful, the sooner you will enjoy showing those beautiful lips to your lovers….we are all different. There’s no normal just individuals. Anybody that doesn’t see you beautiful as you are isn’t worth your time.

    • Colleen

      For what it’s worth, my ex-girlfriend has labia similar to yours (at least from description) and I’ve always just fondly associated what they feel and look like with her. Labia are as unique to a person as any other part of them, which as far as I’m concerned means that if it’s a person I care about, I’m also fond of each of their parts. There’s a vagina coffee table book out there called “Vagina 101” that could probably help you deal with any “othering” that you might be feeling from what it seems you’re seeing as having a “different” vagina.

    • Barbara

      I know how you feel, I have the simmilar vulva shape. I also have a problem of having BV frequently (which makes me smell bad), but I can still relax if I get turned on enough. I think that we get this perspective that we have look like women from porn, when a lot of them are unnatural and NOT ENJOYING the sex at all. I believe OmgYes helpes because you can see different and normal women and hear what they will say. I’m super excited to try it!!! Try to be aware of the fact that a lot of womens vulva looks like yours and mine and I bet a lot of them and their partners are not even thinking about it.
      Good luck!

    • Cathy

      To Sofia: I’m writing because I really recognized myself in your comment and I know that in this situation, you can think that you’re the only woman in the world with this issue (how often do we compare vaginas…?) and I wanted to let you know that you aren’t. I used to be very self-conscious about my vulva as well, because my labia is large and “hangs”, as you said. I felt very uneasy in front of a new partner for a very long time. Until I realized that I was the only one who cared about it. None of my partners ever mentioned it looking “different” or brought it up. Not a single one. And I realized that it’s because every woman they’d been with looked different down there, in the same way that every penis looks different, and there are no real expectations of what it’s going to look like.
      Also, let’s face it, guys are just pretty thrilled to be having sex with a naked woman to begin with. It’s a very feminine thing to do to immediately go into self-doubt and guilt and self-counsciousness (of course, some men feel that way too, mostly re: performance anxiety, but I suspect it affects predominantly women).
      Body issues are normal. We all have them. But for me, the day I let go was also the day I accepted to trust my partner. To trust that he found me attractive despite (and sometimes because of) the things I dislike most about myself. To trust that if he didn’t find me attractive, he wouldn’t be there.
      As they say in Frozen: Let it gooooo!

    • xxx

      Sofia please learn to love your labia, I stupidly opted for surgery to alter mine due to similar hang ups at a young age and it’s hands down the biggest mistake I have ever made. Appreciate your own beauty and uniqueness and how much of a turn on it has been for your partners. Concentrate on the sensations rather than the appearance and feel blessed to have more to play with!? Your own unique lady flower. We have the tendency to focus on our flaws to a degree where we actually obscure our own appearance in our minds. Trust me what you have there is worth so much more than you believe. Please don’t risk your beautiful foof for scar tissue and discomfort as I did, get on and enjoy sex as you are and were always intended to be! Peace xxx

    • Belinda

      Sofia,

      I have an “outie” vagina and honestly, guys really don’t care. What they do care about is a sexual partner who is thoroughly turned on and wants to have sex with them. As a result, they tend to find few things sexier than a woman touching herself in front of them. Most won’t be able to watch for long without joining in. It’s an empowering experience for sure. I really hope you learn to love your vagina!

    • Joanna

      Hi

      I had this hang up too, watched a recent documentary on BBC about surgery and was considering surgery.

      Then I read an article about ‘pulling’. It’s where young girls are encouraged to pull their inner labia to make it longer, because it will lead to more arousal from partners, and better sex. I was kind of mind blown. I had never considered that longer might be better, and that people were actively trying to achieve this look! This perspective has definitely helped my confidence!

    • Jess

      I think you May be forgetting how ugly penises are. They are wrinkled and floppy like an elephant trunk until erect and then they are just a shiny rod with hairy, wrinkly, dangly balls. But we have learned to love them. Many men really do love your vulva. It’s not ugly, it’s exotic and there’s more to play with. I have a perfect looking vagina, it is neat and tidy and lovely and yet i loved the way my ex gf had long inner lips. It looked like a butterfly.
      Own it. Walk around naked more, take pictures of your vagina and send them to your partner. Look in the mirror at your vulva every day until it feels normal. Your body is beautiful and toy have to force yourself to learn that

    • Carris

      Hi Sofia, I’m replying coz I’ve had the same feelings for years and I’ve been married for 26! Since watching porn as a teen I became convinced my large labia were abnormal and unattractive. Like you tho, no one has ever commented or given me reason to think they agree with me and I’m married to a Dr who is well aware of the range of female physical presentations! But how many of us get to see each other’s female parts?!
      I have held back on what feels like more daring sexual antics for the same reasons you mention (and also partly due to, after 26 years, what my partner’s response might be, and yes I’m aware it’ll probably be eager, but still…!) Recently I saw a piece of art – plaster casts of about 20 different female genitalia and it was quite a revelation. They were all soooo different and a number of them were very similar to mine, with long, labia that did not ‘tuck into’ the outer folds. Wow, I’m different but so is everyone else and some people are different like me! I am working up to some intentional sexual behaviour, including sharing these concerns with my husband that is going to change my sex life! How about you?! Xx

    • Leo

      Hi Sofia! Me too also have a big inner labia and even if I don’t think that much about it, I also don’t apreciatte that much this characteristic of my vulva. But, like you, I never heard a bad comment about it from my partners from the past and my partner in present really like it. I had once other nice comment about it from a guy I was having casual sex with that said that he really enjoyed to touch them and kind of squeeze them. At the moment I see it like another part of my body that has a role in my sexuality and my partner helps me with that cause he says that it looks like a beautiful mouth asking to be kissed. Hope that my testify will help you somehow to release yourself from the image that your inner labia is not the way it should be! Enjoy.

    • Alicia

      @Sofia
      Let’s be honest- no one’s genitals are attractive, certainly not testicles or penises either. In and of themselves they’re weird fleshy parts attached in odd ways. But when they can turn on someone we like- that is attractive! So don’t worry about how your parts look. They’re not the prize- you are.

    • Stefani

      Sofia, I definitely had this hang up and from time to time still do! What has helped me move passed it is a) a loving partner that tells me how much they love my vagina and everything related to it and b) porn. I know a lot of people shy away from porn. However, I have found that because I watch lesbian porn just being exposed to all the variations in female genitalia has allowed me to come to the realization that we come in all shapes, sizes, and colours. And you realize that your insecurities about specific “weird” or “unattractive” features are actually present on many other women. I know that is something we get told since grade school but for me I had to truly see it to believe.

      I hope this helps.

    • Seia

      I do as well, And am always self conscious about it. However, I’ve never had a sexual partner (male or female) say anything positive or negative about it. Now, being married, I think I’m the only one who beats myself up over it!

    • Check out ‘The Great Wall of Vagina’ by Jamie McCartney. A lot of the time I think we don’t like the look of our own vulva because we have an idea of how it ‘should’ look. This art work shows a huge range of ‘normal’ – that there is no one (or 10, or even 100) right way for a vulva to look. Perhaps it will help you accept yours. <3

    • Robin

      I’m with you. I have a very full labia, and it wasn’t until my now husband started finding ways to derive his own pleasure from nibbling, sucking, pinching, pulling lightly etc., that I realized it’s a playzone for him! He loves it, and one of my biggest turn ons is when he gently puts a hand on each side and spreads me apart slightly, eventually spreading me apart with his lips and fingers, and then, of course, his penis. It can be a lot of fun for man, trust me, they aren’t picky, and the surgery will delay all this fun you should be having 😉 Good luck!

    • Alix

      Hi Sofia,
      Yep – totally get you there. It sounds like we’ve got similar anatomy and I used to be so shy about getting head to the point that I didn’t ever want it, or full frontal nudity, and I kinda blame porn for giving me this idea that my long inner labia is in any way wrong, ugly, anything. I’ve never had that feedback from a guy (or girl). There’ve been -um- plenty.

      Now I model for live art drawing; it’s not the focus but I’m sure they could see it if they wanted to; and it doesn’t bother me the least in intimate encounters.
      The switch must have been in finding a kink in exhibitionism, and now -if I think about it at all- it almost feels like I’m able to be more intimate; I have more to share down there.
      I still don’t think it’s necessarily “pretty” but I do think it’s Hot. 😉

      Hope that helps x

    • Holly

      I have the exact same thing! I’ve hated my low labia all my life but have never had a male say anything negative. The only negativity I’ve received about it is from other girls/statistics of people wanting to surgically alter theirs. I’m trying to learn to love my labia as it’s a functioning and awesome part of my body.

    • I can understand not thinking your genitals look nice, often the only other ones we see are in porn and they have been surgically altered.
      Once I started having sex with women I realised that they are all different and beautiful and I had other women telling me how lovely mine was, this soon changed my mind about my own body.
      So believe your sexual apartners if they do not find anything wrong with your vulva, they have probably seen many different ones and are happy that they get to see yours.

    • Vulvaluva

      Sofia, I Struggled being very self conscious of my vulva, even from a very young age! As a young adolescent I actually thought that I had made my inner labia hang out by masterbating, and used to hate myself for my sexual urges. Nobody EVER talked about female masturbation, and the only vulvas that I had seen were perfectly simmetrical neat little pink ones in porn, so that’s what I thought they were ‘supposed’ to look like.
      It was a constant source of shame and embarrassment for me. I thought boys would make fun of me for it, and I was so nervous the fist time that I had sex with someone. I HATED guys looking at it when they went down on me, it totally put me off. For years after becoming sexually active and having a few partners (long and short term) I felt like you have described. Until I got a wonderful boyfriend who made me feel very comfortable and at ease with my body, and I just managed to put my insecurities to the side and really enjoy sex for myself, rather than thinking all the time about what I should be doing to make my partner enjoy it and think I’m good at it.
      I am now in a relationship with someone else who I trusted enough to tell my insecurities to. Obviously he thought it was ridiculous and sad that I felt that way and since I have actually told someone, I do to. Every vulva looks different, weird and wonderful, and I guarantee there is nothing wrong with yours. I really suggest voicing your fears to someone, even a nurse or doctor if you don’t feel like you could say it to someone you are having sex with. It makes it so much better once you get it off your chest and get that reassurance that you are normal, not a freak! I also found getting waxes and check ups helped because, of course, nobody ever shied away in disgust as I feared they might. They see a myriad of vulvas everyday and they all look different.

      Hope you read this, and that it serves as some help for you to know you are not alone! The porn industry alongside all the female body shaming that happens makes us all feel like freaks for having imperfections, but we certainly are not! We owe it to ourselves to try and push past the negativity that we have subconsciously learned so that we can actually spend our time thinking about the important things, rather than worrying about our perfectly functional bodies. 🙂

    • Sophie

      From an early age I had this hang up. I used to look at magazines of women in bikinis (obviously photoshopped but what did teenage me know?) and pornographic images and think….how Is it so tidy? What’s wrong with mine? I was ashamed.
      I started wearing shorts on the beach because i was embarrassed. I actually did a lot of research on how much it might cost for me to have surgery performed and was trying to save up for when i was older.
      I didn’t have any sexual encounters until I was 21 and this was the reason. I didn’t share my anxiety with my partner because i didn’t want to draw attention to it. And oral sex? I had never felt so uncomfortable and there was no way I would orgasm.
      Something that helped me slightly when I was finding this website http://www.sexylabia.com
      I even discussed it with my friends eventually when i was in my late teens.
      Slowly over time i became less self conscious because no guy ever said anything but I still wouldn’t have been comfortable with a guy looking at me down there for long.
      I’ve finally gotten to a point where I’ve become comfortable with it. I realised that maybe some people have neat little vulvas, some have big labia, some have one longer than the other, some hang out….but none are unattractive. If somebody wants to be intimate with you then they’re going to love what it looks like.
      I recently had sex with a guy who asked me to open my legs whilst sitting at my feet. I did and I said i felt exposed. He said “you are” then he said “you have a beautiful vagina”. It made me laugh a little as nobody has ever said that. But also it made me smile because i realised i was able to accept the compliment. It makes me sad to think that from such a young age i was worrying so much about it.
      Now I’m sleeping with someone I’m so comfortable with I don’t even think about it….and the sex is mind blowing.
      Take a look at that website and read the intro paragraphs.
      You’re definitely not alone there and you will be able to accept your vulva for the unique and beautiful shape it Is. I hope you find the confidence to let go of those concerns and start having the best sex of your life!

    • Kim Harris

      I have this hang up to. And to be honest I haven’t yet gotten over it fully. I think what is helping is my latest partner actually said he preferred larger Labia, but encouraged me to masterbate and get to love the way I am myself. I’m not there yet completely but definitely on the way. Just wanted to let you know you’re not alone in the way you feel. I hope you learn to love yours as well !

  3. Anna

    I have been trying to communicate this information to my partner for the 6 years that we’ve been together. Unfortunately, every attempt to communicate what is required to fulfill my sexual needs has been met with his response that to request such a thing is a calculated personal attack on his masculinity. The worst fights I have ever had in a relationship. After 6 years of desperate pleas to give me a little pleasure from our sex life too, i have no interest in entering into a sexual encounter with him. I avoid them with every possible excuse and when I’m arroused I take care of it myself. Surely, all those women who lose interest in sex in their marriage are suffering the same fate as me. It’s not that we are not sexual creatures or have no sexual appetite, it’s that unfortunately we are all stuck with husbands who couldn’t give a shit about their wives sexual pleasure. I mean my husband legit thinks that the foreplay required for pleasureable sex is get his dick hard and that’s all there is to it, aggresively shits me down when I ask for what I want and then still can’t understand why he’s never given me an orgasm… Perhaps If I present him with the work of a male scientist in such a well presented format he might finally wake up!

  4. Rose Patel

    This thread is great, I love that so many articulate points and tidbits are being shared here and that everyone seems to be staying on topic which is so rare for online discussion. I’ve found some of the information here really interesting and helpful and I think it’s fascinating that there is so little formal research done on this aspect of life that culture is pretty obsessed with. There are so many myths and I just thought I’d throw my two cents in on one: Female ejaculation.

    I’ve never orgasmed with a partner, but I masterbate semi-regularly and I ejaculate a substantial amount of fluid every time, even if I’m having several orgasms in one sitting each time there will be a clear fluid. It’s sort of annoying because it gets everywhere, and because in the scientific community there’s almost no research.
    A lot of respected institutions think it’s a myth or a trick. They’ve even made it illegal in censorship act for pornography in the UK as something that’s more obscene than what’s usually included in pornography. My everyday orgasm is too outrageous for the internet, and it’s not that I’m mad to start a life in pornography but it just seems like legally it’s not acknowledged as a normal bodily function that’s a part of ‘conventional sex’.

    For me ejaculation was something which happened once all of a sudden when I was about two years into the habit of masturbating at twenty and has happened everytime since the first. I don’t know what that means and no university is looking into it. The first study done just checked to see if it was pee and their results were really unsatisfying and unclear. There’s no statistics on whether all women have the potential to ejaculate or whether it’s a sign of something more serious going on in some cases. There’s no known correlation between ejaculation and ANYTHING else ‘unconventional’ and they’re not looking for one. Much like the female orgasm without ejaculation, there is little to no serious investigation into what it can tell us about a person’s health or well being. This website, it seems to me, is a good starting look into that.

    If any one knows how I can STOP ejaculating, because it’s really inconvenient and mysterious and therefore sort of disconcerting, I’d love some advice.

    Thank you for reading.

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